Personal Wellness – It’s Personal

Educating Ourselves on Our “Selves”

by Koreen Kimakowich

Welcome to the fourth and final part of a four part personal wellness conversation. To review the previous parts, select  Part One: Who Are We in Thought? ; or, select Part Two: Human Doing Vs. Human Being ; or, select Part Three: Permission

Part Four
Vital Human, Vital Self

My, how time flies. Feels like just yesterday that I stepped into a desire to impart to you, what I hold as critical information, new considerations around how we not only attain personal wellness, but that it is a personal endeavor. No matter how much we externalize for our wellness, take the magic pill, or the incorporate techniques, make more money, more benefits, more toys, if your start point for wellness does not come from within first, where the acknowledged un-wellness resides, it will continue to be about chasing the dream of personal wellness. The "hold" will be only for as long as we are interacting with the toy for example. Going within causes change to occur not at your level of intellect, rather at the cellular level, that is where the holding properties factor in. That's the difference, the shift is made at the cellular level. You can only access that by going down and in to attain wellness, as opposed to up and out.

I have discovered through conversations with others about the information I hold as vital to our ongoing evolution and wellness that the majority of them too are looking, seeking, wanting their lives to evolve in well health, body and mind. Looking, seeking, wanting is not enough unless it is supported with taking action on your own behalf. Some say there are consequences for doing that, and what I know for sure is, there are consequences for NOT doing that!

From the perspective of Meta Models, and the notion that folks operate from the perspective that their world is a "safe" place, or it is a "dangerous" place. Operating from safe, there is a continual thread woven into the way the individual moves through their lives. Typically, holding everything as possible, and always testing the theory, paying little or no attention to the Nay Sayers. Then discovering that it was possible, and revel in the reality of their creation. This safe/dangerous notion is not about being frivolous when it comes to personal safety at an environmental level, e.g. locking your doors at night, rather, it is about operating from safe at the level of identity. Self creation, being authentic, being you, absent of a belief that being you puts you at risk around your career, finances, livelihood.

Operating from dangerous however has a different thread woven in, and it speaks to always protecting, guarding, one's self, avoiding the potential pitfall, that will have one hanging by the rope that scooped them up at the ankle when they weren't looking. Dangerous is a place where one never reveals the internal conversation they are having, out loud. Never revealing their desires, wishes, opinions out loud, that they may be scorned, ostracized by their family, colleagues, friends. Always protecting the by being anything but the authentic you residing inside. This is taxing on the body.

I had a conversation recently with a colleague about this notion of holding our world as safe/dangerous at our level of identity. How safe is it for us to be authentically who we are, in our workplaces, in our family systems, etc. I suggested that it has been my experience that I have not yet met or worked with anyone that isn't/wasn't operating from dangerous. Again, I am not speaking of safety and security of our physical person walking through the world. At an environmental level, our heightened awareness at the inherent safety risks that come with a profession such as policing is paramount. Outside of that however, when risks to our physical safety and security are absent, do you perceive your world as safe or dangerous? I suggested to my colleague, that the higher the individual sits on the corporate ladder, operating from dangerous is more predominant. There was dissention at that suggestion, so I went on to explain. These were my observations of them, as I sensed the responses to their external world. When their world is being viewed through the lens of dangerous, there is an inherent desire to protect our personal reputations, credibility, integrity, maintaining our position is critical. Typically the higher we sit on the ladder the more exposure we are subjected to if something should go array. Sometimes in order to avoid that, and maintain our reputation, credibility, integrity, we have to compromise those very things inside of us, to protect it from being compromised outside of us. That is protecting one's self. It is an innate response. That is operating from dangerous. How limiting is that in our ability to be innovative, creative, leading edge. It doesn't matter really the place on the ladder you keep, it is all relative to where one finds themselves in the world. The one consistent factor is, is that living from dangerous is having the same effect on each of us. Why? Because we are all human, and we work relatively the same way when it comes to attaining our personal wellness. If what you create outside of you, is not matching your intention, it may be time to check in on the degree to which you move through your world authentically.

I attended a Safety Symposium for the Disabled recently, where keynote speaker Michael Kendrick, PhD, gave an eloquent speech on affecting change. The message he left me with was that if we as individuals are not willing to take risks, huge risks to effect change, then change will not occur. I take that one step further and suggest, that we need to be mindful when we endeavor to affect change, as to whether what we see as innovative is really us disguised in carefully chosen words on paper as doing something different. The most aggravating and harmful factor to the health of the individual, and organizational living system, is the time and effort we put into affecting change by doing the same thing over and over again, and then the utter disappointment and shock that follows, when at the conclusion of the effort they get the same results.

How does all this fit into Vital Human, Vital Self? Well if it is about the degree of risk one is willing to take, this final article would be that. A leap, a knowing that you too know there is more, trusting what I know, and then creating space for permission for you to step into that knowing. It has to start somewhere. I believe the risk is worth it. I believe you are worth it. There CAN be a shift in the water cooler conversation. As Michael Kendrick suggested, it starts with one person with a belief and a willingness to take the risk. I believe we as individuals can be much more content and evolutionary in our lives, if we stop, and pay attention to our selves, our individual wellness first. You cannot after all give, what you have not got. You are your most vital resource.

By now you know that based on our hard wiring, central nervous system, we are very habituated. The hard wired in information has us thinking 65,000 thoughts a day, 95% if them being the same as yesterday. Translation. Repetition, habituated, culturally conditioned response, and in many cases how we live our lives, and run our organizations and corporations. The degree to which you operate habitually from dangerous, and subsequently leave your authenticity and truth of self at the door when you engage with the world outside of you, is the degree to which you may want to consider you may need to get your life back. To not consider it, is to allow the hiving off of you each and every day, until, "ASLEEP" to your own life is the only survival mechanism that works, until the body, that aspect of us that never lies, ups the ante, and un-wellness can no longer be dismissed as something that will pass when this busy time is over. Consider the habit you may have of inviting busy into your life. By being "busy" in your life, what do you not have to pay attention to in, about your life?

Out of interest, I queried the word "vital", and discovered synonyms of vital to be words like, fundamental, essential, critical, and central. I then queried "human", and found synonyms to be words like, person, being, and individual. Finally I queried "self" and found synonyms to be words like, nature, character, identity, personality, and person.

It was clear to me in the discoveries that Vital Human, Vital Self, was very much in keeping with the evolution of this series. The pavement hits the road here. When we sacrifice, our being, our individuality, our character, our identity, our person, for the sake of staying safe from the perceived dangerous world we believe we live in, that which is essential, fundamental, critical, central to our personal evolution, and wellness is relinquished. It is that simple. In the moment of responding habitually to your life as though it was a dangerous place, that it is dangerous to be you, the persona then that you present each day, and the effort and energy that takes, creates un-wellness in your body. So the body intelligently, brilliantly moves through a process of trying to send you the message, get your attention. Are you paying attention? This natural human process does not distinguish between ranks, job titles, and positions held. We cannot escape the intelligence and the truth of our bodies. Before we are anything else, we are all human. Each place in our bodies where we experience pain, ache, annoyance, has a direct link to how, who we are being in our lives. For example, when you are suffering from yet another honker of a headache, consider that is the area where we hold our identity, not our culturally conditioned identity, rather our perpetual changing self. Depending on how you describe the pain, I guarantee you when you consider it as energetic information that your body is imparting, get curious about who you hold yourself to be and who you believe you have to be in your outside world. The pressure the conflict between the two can create, if they do not match. That is intense energy pooling in that area of the body. It is your body, trying to get you to pay attention. We are vital to our own wellness, and we must be awake to ourselves first to invite in the shift, to change, alter, even, 5% percent of the thought process we have adopted as real, and all encompassing in our lives.

Operating from dangerous has you saying yes when you mean no, doing things repeatedly, you don't want to do, and being someone that is not authentically you, in all facets of your life. It is when your head hits the pillow at night, that the truth of your inauthentic experience comes back to you. All of the times in your day when you were being anyone but the truth of you. Now enter all of the others who by virtue of who they were taught to believe they are, are being, doing, as you are, outside of their authentic self, ensuring that they are not the next to be hung up by the ankle in the jungle we call, workplace, home, family, social settings. Enter then the conversation, what you think about me, is really all about you.

For the purpose of this series and expanding on that last thought, I will introduce to the conversation, the WEL-Systems® Model called Iceberg of The Self™, and then, Icebergs interacting.

The notion of Icebergs, is that typically what we see above the water is a mere 20% of the iceberg. Apply this concept to that of the self, and our predictable structures of thought as introduced in Part II. The conversations we are having with ourselves and out loud with others, around, our environment, behavior, capability, belief/values/attitudes, (BVAs) choice, identity, and spirituality. In terms of our environment and behavior, these levels of thinking come to us by external sensing. In the case of environment, we can determine our physical safety and security by scanning our environment, considering the time of day, location, listening for sounds etc. Behaviors then are also detectable by external sensing. If at a traffic intersection the driver of an oncoming vehicle has activated their right turn signal, I can, by external sensing, "sight", reasonably expect that the vehicle will make a right turn. I don't need to start up a conversation with that person to discuss what maneuver he will do next. With this information, I can respond to the external cue and ensure that our two vehicles move through the intersection safely. The rest of the information about me however, re my capabilities, BVAs, choice, identity, spirituality is not available outside of me, until such time as I engage in a way that allows others to externally sense that which goes on internally. Usually by striking up a conversation. From the level of choice on down, until I choose to engage with someone or they choose to engage with me, and explore so to speak, we are mystery to each other, outside of the stories we are telling ourselves about the other. What I think about them then, is really all about me. The clincher is now, if we choose to engage, how much of your self, or is the other being in the engagement. How much of your truth are you being? How much is your conversation with the other based on an expectation you think the other has of you. How authentic do you feel you are being, and how authentic do you think the other is being in that conversation? How safe is it for you to be authentic?

What are the rules we impose on ourselves around engaging with another about a story that has been told about them and give them the opportunity to speak for themselves. Very little permission do we give ourselves for that, and lots of permission to tell our unconfirmed story. We do not explore and yet we continue to make up and have our own stories about the other, oblivious to the fact, that what we think about them, is really all about ourselves, and our experiences. So often rather than have the conversation with the individual, we will hear someone else's story of them and formulate our opinions, and then tell the story, but with our experience, skewing the story a bit more each time out of the gate.

Whether we are engaging in the exploration or not, this is Icebergs Interacting. If the icebergs (humans) choose not to explore with the other, all we have then is our stories about all of the other icebergs, and know too, you do not escape this, as they will have their story of you. May not be your story of you, and to them, it is accurate. In the repeated telling of it, they actually come to believe that it is true. In our real life experience, some would refer to that as gossip, or rumor mill. Much like bullying in the school yards, I kid you not, even as adults, and with all of our assumed where with all, we are still affected.

A friend of mine once shared with me, that there was a time when they were experiencing a barrage of stories being told about them. They were terribly disheartened by it, and still it seemed too huge an endeavor to try to set the record straight. After all they knew the truth, and with the support of their family, they would move forward and let the stories peter out. One day however, one of the people who would be brought into the rumor mill was not satisfied with the other's story, and approached my friend and stated words to the effect, "you know, we've never met, but I would really like to hear your side of the story. Before my friend could say anything else, they looked at this individual and said, I may not know you, and I love you already. That is how simple it is. Sometimes the cultural conditioning, minimizes the space in which we are willing to consider exploring other icebergs as a viable option. As a culture, the story we perpetuate of others is feeding a need within our selves, and the difficulty there is that none of us escapes it. Even if we are perpetuating, we are likely also the subject of it as well. Even when the words aren't spoken directly, the energy is present, and we all know when we are in it.

It is important to take that step, explore with the other, and invite in other people's explorations of you. I have often said, if they have asked the question of me, they are ready for the answer, the truthful one.

If you state anything less than your truth, if you accept anything less than the authentic truth of another, know that it is a start point for physical, and emotional un-wellness.

Vital Human, Vital Self then is about how we are our most vital resource. We are more than enough, if we engage fully with and of ourselves. We are all it takes to invite in wellness. When our external responses do not match what our internal responses are, and that becomes the habituated response to our day, you can expect your body to up the ante of that experience. That's you, trying to get your attention.

Do not apologize for being human, do not apologize for embracing the more of you that you were taught did not exist. Know that every signal within, the aches, the pains, the unrelenting heartburn, the migraine, the nausea, the lower back pain, is correlated to an energy center in your body, and it has information to impart. It is letting you know outside of language, what your distorting, deleting, analyzing, rationalizing, judging, comparing mind does not have the ability to. The processing power of the body, exceeds that of the conscious mind, by quantum leaps, and as I have stated before, the body does not have the capacity to lie, as the intellect does.

Invisible to our external sensing, the body works in amazing ways. The messages it has for us, and how critical it is to pay attention to them if you genuinely desire emotional and physical wellness are copious. Once you know, and experience how much more there is of you, you can no longer un-know it. So many of us wake up to our days, and remain asleep to our lives. I invite you to consider waking up to your life. Once you become awake to your own life, it becomes difficult to go back to sleep, because now you know, differently, not just in your intellect but in your body.

If you would like to know more about the concepts described in this four part series, and or speak with me about receiving one on one CODE (creation out of deep energy), Model Coaching, I can be reached at awakening.wave@sympatico.ca. Watch for a one day offering right here in Ottawa, where a safe space will be created for you to explore in real space and time, the models that I have spoken to in this series, as well as more. There is after all, always more! Be kind and gentle with yourself, you are what you have got on this pass, and you are more than enough.

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Koreen Kimakowich, Founder of Awakening Wave, is a WEL-Systems Catalyst and CODE Model Coach™. Koreen has over 16 years in Law Enforcement and brings both safety and wisdom into her conversations with those who seek to live their lives more fully. She welcomes the opportunity to journey with you as you discover your own personal resourcefulness as it lies within you.